Van Helsing: The Comedy DISCONTINUED
by LightNeverFades
Summary: Nooo! Anna!" Van Helsing cried out as he held Anna's lifeless body in his arms. As Van Helsing put his face next to Anna's face, her eyes suddenly flew open with a rather giddy 'Eep'. Van Helsing's jaw dropped open, his eyes wide with shock. DISCONTINUED


**Van Helsing: The Comedy**

**I wrote this story a LONG time ago, when I was still 15 years old! I found it somewhere in my folders and I think I laughed at what I'd written! I'm not sure if everybody might like it but it's supposed to be harmless! I hope it makes people laugh when they read it! (:**

**WARNING: **This story will NOT be continued. I tried to do it a dozen times but failed. D: Read at your own risk. Also, it cuts off abruptly in mid-scene cause I couldn't think of anything else to write there. Sorry about that! INCLUDES PURE RANDOMNESS! Small reference of SLASH! Beware!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Van Helsing in any probable-possible-unimpossible-unremarkable way! -grumble-

**X**

**Finale: Anna's Death Scene**

"_Nooo! _Anna!" Van Helsing cried out as he held Anna's lifeless body in his arms. Tears fell from his eyes and sweat glistened all over his body.

As Van Helsing put his face next to Anna's face, her eyes suddenly flew open with a rather giddy 'Eep!'

Van Helsing's jaw dropped open, his eyes wide with shock and he dropped her on the floor with a rather painful thump.

"Oww!" Anna shouted as she got up on her feet, brushing off the dust and cobwebs off her shoulder.

"Y-You're not dead!" Van Helsing stuttered.

"Hey, it's my birthday! I can't stay dead all day! And besides, I need to collect my presents. I hope there's a straightener inside them because my hair is starting to piss me off," Anna spoke with a roll of her eye, brushing her curly hair with a blow of her breath.

"B-But! I haven't even finished wrapping your present yet! You did promise me that you were going to stay dead until we finish this movie named after my name as a memory over some dead scientist with no life who also happened to have the same name!" Van Helsing protested, his face slightly panicked.

Just then Carl came into the conversation, looking wet and very Friary. "Well, technically, you don't really have a life either. You chase after vampires, werewolves and monsters for a living." Van Helsing rolled his eyes.

"That's not fair! I want this movie to be named after my name!" Anna interrupted, pouting.

"I think there's a lot of movies named after you, Anna. Your name's rather popular." Carl stated.

"And what's this got to do with anything?" Van Helsing questioned.

All three of them looked at each other with blank faces.

Just then the author popped up from nowhere.

"Hiii!" Elwyndra squealed in delight.

"Elwyndra? What are you doing here?" Van Helsing suddenly turns into the sexy Hugh Jackman with his hot accent and--- Uh never mind, explaining all that would take years of practice!

"Oh yeah? Well, I get to have Van Helsing / Hugh Jackman all for myself!" Anna says and grabs at Van Helsing's arm, who tries to pry her off with a annoyed look on his face.

Carl rolls eyes, "Am I feeling lonely… Maybe I can go find Dracula, he was always angry but hey, at least he was fun to watch!"

Anna raises eyebrow, "Gay are we?"

Carl growls and then looks at Elwyndra.

"So what are you doing here exactly?"

"For one, I'm the author, so I get to appear! Haha!"

Elwyndra laughs wickedly, "What's more wicked is that I decided we're going back to the past so we can explore a little bit about something we didn't know! Like Anna's life for instance! Oh and Velkan, Carl, Van Helsing, Dracula, Aleera…"

"Talking of me?" Count Vladislaus Dracula suddenly appears out of thin air with his toothy smile. He glances charmingly at the four of them.

"W-What! B-But!" the trio all began, blinking furiously in an attempt to make the nightmare vanish from their eyes. But unfortunately that didn't seem to work as well as they thought.

"Mortals are so predictable..." Dracula chuckled amusedly.

"You're supposed to be-"

"Dead? Of course I am. But I can't die because I'm already late for my Masquerade Ball."

"But I thought you already had one?" Carl said with an odd look on his face.

"What's wrong with having another one? And besides…I thought Elwyndra said we're going to our pasts before we knew each other."

"We are, but you're not invited!" Anna spoke with a pout.

"What! That's too mean, Anna! You forgot to include me in your list?" Dracula looks offended.

"Well I can't include everybody! Especially since you tried to bite me!"

"And I can do it again!" Dracula growled and the two of them glared at each other.

Fortunately, Elwyndra barged through. "Stop fighting! Or I might _just_ have to pair you two together for good!"

(VH & Anna fans scream with horror in the background)

Dracula aside (who smiled evilly), Van Helsing, Anna and Carl looked quite horrified.

"You wouldn't!" Anna gasped, shaking her head.

Elwyndra's eyebrows rose with amusement and mimicked Dracula's movements and accent, _"I can do anything I want, Anna!"_

Dracula intervened, and he popped right next to Anna. He pulled her into a seductive embrace, and whispered the words, "You shall be mine_…_!_"_

Unfortunately, Anna didn't seem to fall for it, cause she pushed the vampire off of her and slapped him hard on the face.

"o.O! Ouch!" Dracula gave a girlish squeal for just a millisecond, earning himself a huge grin on Anna's face. "What did you do that for?"

"One, because you annoy me. Two, you managed to make my family leave on a vacation that they forgot to bring me with. Three, because I know it was you!" Anna accused.

"Well, the first two reasons I can understand. What have I done to make you all upset now?"

"That was for stealing the cookies I put out for Santa when I was little! It wasn't Santa who was eating the cookies and milk on Christmas…it was you!" Anna gave out a pout, her hands on her hips.

This time it was Dracula's turn to smile. "But you didn't seem to mind!"

Anna glared deadly knives and walked beside Van Helsing and Carl, who seemed a little confused with the whole conversation.

Elwyndra looked at them lazily, her shoulder leaning on a wall she created a few seconds ago. "Finished, lovebirds?"

"No, we are not!"Anna growled, but Dracula nodded with a sigh, "We're finished here!"

Elwyndra grinned wildly, "Alright then, let's begin the chapter to the beginning of the end!"

Van Helsing and Carl looked at each other with worried expression on their face. They knew the author quite well, after appearing on several occasions as lovers and not friends. That alone would have had them concerned. Who knew what this crazy author was gonna write?

"Can't you do something about the Count?" Anna raised an eyebrow at Dracula.

Elwyndra shook her head with an evil smile. "Nope!"

"I'm screwed then…" Anna muttered, her head low.

"Not while you have super Van Helsing beside us!" Carl spoke, shoving Van Helsing, who grinned with pride.

"What can he do? Remember, he almost killed me!" Anna said pointedly at the Hunter.

"Correction: I killed you! Meaning I can do so again!" Van Helsing growled with annoyance.

"Hey! I thought you said I stayed aliv-" Anna began but was interrupted by strange sounds of a hurricane. The blowing brown pieces of leaves attacked the characters.

"Dammnit!" Carl cursed.

"You're a monk, you're not supposed to curse," Dracula spoke curiously.

"I'm still just a friar, I can curse all I want!" Carl shouted back.

"Gentleman, turn your attention to the vortex of doom heading our way!" Anna shouted, drawing them back to whatever the leaves had closed up to become.

"Ooh."

"Let the Backward story begin!" Elwyndra yelled through the sound and she snapped her fingers. Suddenly the air was vacuumed, and the floor wavered like an earthquake. With a cackle, the author vanished, leaving Dracula, Van Helsing, Carl and Anna in the growing blankness of the page.

"Oh my god, we're going to die!" Anna squealed in fright, hugging Van Helsing. At one point, this would have been a beautiful scene for the VH & Anna fans but to the hunter, he was thankful for the fact that he was being anchored by her weight.

Dracula looked a little thoughtfully at Carl, and the little Friar widened his eyes in horror. He ran to Van Helsing's side, pulling out a cross.

Sighing with slight disappointment, Dracula walked up into the vortex almost easily. Before entering, he located a remote control beside the Vortex of Doom, and he pushed the buttons around expertly. For a moment it whirred and stopped, and other times it started to grow harder.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Anna pointed at Dracula.

"That was how he got to manipulate everything so easily in the movie!" Van Helsing shouted accusingly.

"Oh bugger…" Carl spoke, the blood draining from his face.

**X**

Okay, so, this is the end of the story! Sorry for cutting it short, but really, that's all I went before life became a blur.

I really wanted to continue this because it was fun to write and it makes me laugh from how silly it is but I can't. It'll kill me in the process cause I don't have that spark of inspiration with me anymore to keep writing this. I guess you could say I grew up, which makes me sad.

**Anyways please don't ask me to continue this!**

**Thank you so much for reading! :) I hope you liked it! :)**


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